Boxing Day Reflections: A Different Kind of Christmas

This July, I became the last member of my family.

Christmas has never been easy for me. Grief has a way of circling dates on the calendar and demanding attention, and in past years Christmas Day has often felt like something to survive and get through, rather than something to experience.

This year was different...For a start I made a promise to myself I would get a tree (the first one in 7 years)

But more importantly, I woke up without dread. Without having to brace myself. I felt blessed to simply have the day, whatever it was going to look like for me. I felt grateful to be Free, slow and at peace in myself.

The self work I put in all year mattered. The systems mattered. The books, the internal rewiring, the quiet discipline of learning how to sit with myself rather than spiral. All of it showed up for me yesterday.

I opened the presents sent by those who have given their submission to me. I on purposely stored them under the tree, unwrapped but in their delivery boxes...Gifts chosen and sent from those subs so that I would have something to open, so I would feel remembered, valued, held in mind.

I paused in the living room and memories of past Christmases drifted in. The sounds of laughter, raised voices calling for attention so photos could be taken, the reading of cracker jokes, glasses being poured and for the first time, I did not feel sad.

Instead, I felt something unexpected and deeply comforting. A sense that those moments still exist somewhere. That those timelines continue. That love does not disappear just because the people are no longer physically present. I smiled to myself, knowing how lucky I had been to have experienced family at all.

I was meant to be alone yesterday, and I was at peace with that. But in a last minute turn of events, I arranged dinner with an ex from many years ago. We were both alone so it felt unnecessary to eat separately when we could just share a table...

We reflected, we laughed at the things we once fought over, we enjoyed the calm that time can gift when it has done its work properly. There was a warm familiarity there, and it was exactly what was needed for us both.

I recently choose to ride my life solo, a choice that is deliberate and considered in all aspects. But it does not erase the love or care of those who have touched my life. Yesterday reminded me that connection does not have to come wrapped in obligation, pressure, or permanence to be real.

I had a lovely dinner and evening before returning home to catch up on Niteflirt with submissives. I spent time being whatever they needed in the moment. Some played. Some cried. Some talked. I know what Christmas can be like for those without family, those working away, those navigating their own quiet grief, so I always make space for both UK and American clients on Christmas Day. Sometimes presence matters more than play.

Overall, today as a Mistress , I felt adored and as a woman who has survived her own storms this year, I felt seen. That mattered more than I can easily put into words.

From the bottom of my perverted and depraved heart, I am deeply grateful to the boys who have stood by me through turmoil, and to those who have come to serve me more recently. You reminded me how important my work is, often for reasons that are not immediately visible.

2025 was a year of survival. Sleep deprivation. Emotional endurance. My Christmases usually mirror that.

But this year, I am proud to say I conquered both.