Kink, Disability, and Inclusion

As a health professional, I specialise in long term conditions which bridge both physical and mental health. Some of those reading this will have first-hand experience of some of the things I will be writing about and may very well have different thoughts and ideas but as I like to say – there's more than one way to spank a bottom!

Disclaimer: This article is not intended to provide individual medical or legal advice. Please seek appropriate advice prior to engaging in any risky activities first-hand.

Disability, impairments and inclusion

Let me briefly explain some of the terms I will be using today.

Impairment – a deterioration in functioning of a body part, organ or system that can be temporary or permanent.

Disability – when an impairment affects an individual's ability to engage in activities of daily living, often resulting from the environment the activity is performed in.

When talking about physical, neurological or psychological conditions I'll be describing them as impairments. When talking about barriers presented by the physical or social environment I'll be using disability.

I often think of the kink and BDSM world as being a micro version of wider society. My own first-hand experiences are that fetish clubs, munches and kink dating is full of the same pitfalls that people with impairments face in wider society. I think we could all do more to ensure we are creating inclusive spaces in the physical and virtual world.

If you are a business owner in the UK you have a legal responsibility to ensure you take steps to make your business accessible and do not discriminate against people with disabilities. Additionally, you cannot decline service to someone based on a protected characteristic otherwise you are risking being in breach of the disability discrimination act.

On a positive note, many people with impairments find themselves drawn to the kink and BDSM world as a place of inclusion. Many people in the kink community feel a sense of belonging with others who also don't quite fit in with regular society. Both sex workers and users of sex work services could potentially have an impairment that's visible, or not visible. It's up to an individual when or if they choose to disclose their disability. Although, I always encourage people to include conversations about health in communication and discussions (prior to play) in an open and honest way.

Living with long term conditions

If you live with long term health conditions or impairments, this can affect any area of your life - sexual activities and intimacy too! These issues are not universal and will vary between individuals, but I will speak in broad terms to help give you an idea of what you may need to consider. Not everything here will apply to everyone and this doesn't cover everything. Just ask your partner(s)… communication is key!

If there is a physical impairment, then you may need to think about adjusting the environment/ergonomics of your session… more on this in a moment. If someone has acquired an impairment or long term condition they may have problems with body image, grieving the loss of how they were previously, emotional regulation or understanding how to adjust/adapt kinky or sexual activities. Many physical and psychological conditions can cause fatigue so you may need to think about adjusting the time of day, length of time or intensity of sessions.

In the kink/BDSM world it's a little more widely understood that sex doesn't need to happen entirely spontaneously to be sexy and intense. If you do need to plan, or prepare things like extra equipment for sex, then it shouldn't take away from the excitement and thrill.

You can make it part of your session – incorporate it as a task or way of getting into your kinky headspace. Try to think of adaptations to the activity in a positive light for what they will enable you to achieve, rather than something to "get in the way".

Let's get down to (kinky) business.

It would be impossible to write an exhaustive list of medical conditions, kink practices and considerations here. I shall instead focus on some of the more common aspects of BDSM and mention things you may want to consider.

Consent

Many of you will be aware of risk-aware consensual kink (RACK); if not, I highly recommend you read Lenore Sins submissive guide when it relaunches, which will explain models of consent in more detail.

The key thing about consent is that it should be informed and given by someone with capacity. People with certain impairments such as developmental learning disabilities, autism, dyslexia, ADHD or neurological impairments may need additional time to process, understand and communicate information.

You may need to consider delivering things in writing, as well as verbally. If in doubt that all individuals involved in kink are able to enthusiastically consent and understand all the risks involved, don't proceed.

Bondage

With all kink practices you need to ensure you understand and aware of all the risks of a particular activity and be confident you are playing within your own skill/knowledge level. This is especially important when working with ropes and restraints. Ensure you have a basic understanding of things like circulation, nerve compression points, skin pressure care and safe positions for joints.

You don't need a degree but some basic reading on anatomy never hurts. Things to consider may be:

Avoiding prolonged or stress positions if someone has a condition affecting joints.

Considering your material – if you or your partner(s) have any sensory processing issues then talk textures before or during your session. Movement breaks, quick release knots, prefabricated cuffs, good scissors, length of time spent tied and position changes are all good things to consider.

Always be aware of your own and your partners' ability to feel sensations and communicate if something has gone wrong.

Impact play

Whatever your weapon of choice ensure that you can physically maintain control of yourself, and any implements used during a session. If people have sensory impairments be aware their ability to respond safely and appropriately to pain or injury may be affected.

For people with conditions that come with pain, masochism can be a way of them to empower themselves to live with their condition. For others receiving pain may cause a flare up in symptoms. Be sure to discuss the emotional and psychological side of your sessions before the session or during aftercare.

Sometimes it helps to have an extra safe word that signals to your partner that an activity is, or is about to, affect your health condition, and you need to pause or change. Some conditions may mean that any physical damage might take longer to heal, it's worth taking this into consideration.

Equipment, ergonomics and everything else…

Often it's necessary to adapt some aspect of an activity to enable yourself or your partner(s) to participate fully in a meaningful way. Sometimes that may mean getting out some equipment and not the standard sort you find in a dungeon. Here are some helpful examples of things that may be useful.

Positioning tools e.g. wedge pillows, sex stools with elastic, ergonomic kneeling chairs, over door harnesses, sex swings, height adjustable tables and chairs or body harnesses to hold limbs in the right place with minimal effort.

Toys and gadgets e.g. sex toys with straps, larger handles, flexible attachments, easy to press buttons, Bluetooth/app-controlled toys or toys designed for hands free use. Thigh strap on harnesses, hollow strap-ons, finger wearable vibrators or fucking machines. I can't say this loud enough… don't forget to use a good lube.

Other technology e.g. using phone alarms, timers or voice assistant devices to help you keep track of time when you're tied up in the moment.

Think about changing up sex positions, moving furniture around or taking your play session out of the bedroom to somewhere else that's more suitable for your needs. Comfort, movement breaks and frequent position changes can be helpful.

If you or your partner(s) have a mobility impairment and use a walking aid don't forget to keep this nearby. If you live with a long term condition you may very well have things around the house such as gadgets, stools or rails to help you with every day activities… don't be afraid to incorporate something you already use daily and make it sexy.

Get creative, you know yourself and your condition best.